Cale's Couplets
by Phoebsfan
Summary: Logan's Lyrical Scratchings
1. I smile to hide...

Cale's Couplets…

Hey I guess I do own this…everything cept the mention of Cale that is….and the context…the actual words however are all mine…

Summery: Logan's Lyrical Scratchings

Rating: um G a big G  

Timeline: Post Proof of Purchase

I smile to hide…

I smile because you need me to

Not because you want my expression to be light

Not because you want to forget what's happened

I smile because you need me to

Don't think I want to smile

Its all for you

It hurts me just the same

I don't smile because I want to

When you smile back I know it's worth it

It's worth the pain I feel

It's worth the times I fail

When you smile back I know its real

I smile because you need me to

Because I know what would happen if I let you see the hurt

Because I know we aren't that strong

I smile because you need me to

Don't think I want to smile

I have dark days too

I don't want to laugh some times

I don't smile because I want to

When you crawl into yourself

I smile just for you

I remember that some days are hard for you

When you can't smile too

I smile because I need me to

Because I can't lose you

Because it's easier to ignore the pain and let the sun shine through

I smile because I need me to


	2. Remember when we were...

Timeline: Post Bag Em

Remember when we were…

Remember when we were real

Remember when we weren't fake

Remember when the wounds we made

Could always be erased

Remember when time stood still

Remember when we had the chance

Remember when the games we played

Were just part of the dance

Remember when we played chess

Remember when we could laugh

Remember when the words we said

We locked in our embrace

Remember when I loved you

Remember when you said you did too

Remember how I held you

How I touched your face

My love for you is undying

My love remember this is true

Though years and fears may keep us apart

Remember

I love you


	3. Even when you're gone...

Timeline: Post …and Jesus brought a Casserole

Even when you're gone…

I still need

I still bleed

I still care

Even when you're not there

I still cry

I still shake

I still want you

Even when you hide in fear

I still know

I still am

I still see

Even when you don't believe


	4. Who...

Timeline: Post  Blah Blah Woof Woof

Who…

It's me

I cry from the depths of my soul

It's me

You lie and hide again

I know you

I say, in my heart it repeats

I know you

You smile but you don't really believe

Stay

I ask knowing you'll go

Stay

You say hoping I know

I know

I do

It's just that there are times

I think I love you.


	5. Cat Burglar?

Timeline: post pilot

Cat burglar?

Eyes

Dark, watching

Guarding, giving, deep

I lose myself

Hair

Thick, dancing

Bouncing, sliding, long

My fingers tangle

Lips

Full, cynical

Laughing, Sarcasm, soft

How do they taste?

Body

Slim, cautious

Daring, athletic, sleek

Someone's heaven


	6. I will forever, always wait

I will forever Always wait  
AN: so obviously post AJBAC but before DT  
  
I won't remember in the end  
I won't remember that we were friends  
nor that ever I cared for you  
nor that ever I'd be there for you  
nor that ever I need your touch  
your tender caresses oh so much  
I didn't plan to end it here  
but I guess life will interfere  
I never wanted to see you fade  
from every corner, Max I prayed  
Long into the darkest of the night  
I never wanted to lose this fight.  
But once more it seems we've lost all hope  
And losing you, I just can't cope  
with all the things inside my head  
with all the words we left unsaid  
with all the dreams that never were  
and now our moments are starting to blur  
Oh will you always turn out to be  
a quickly fleeting memory  
Your face, your hair, your liquid touch  
will I always miss them oh so much  
Will you always haunt my dreams  
Your life was oh so short it seems  
that this is not really then end  
but maybe I'm just playing pretend  
Because you see I need you here  
And now my life is so unclear  
before I had you in my embrace  
and now I can not see your face  
And in this darkness, in this gloom  
Your voice it reigns, supreme, undoomed  
that somehow you'll come back to me  
Just wait in time, just wait you'll see  
And then forever we could own  
But then I remember you are gone  
and voice and hair and softest sigh  
will not return, that sparkling eye  
So in this darkened lonely state  
I will forever, always wait 


	7. Pain of Purchase

Pain of Purchase  
an: Post POP I know can I get any more P-words in there for you.  
  
  
and so we're here  
and so unclear  
of how we can go on  
when tainted touch  
and demon hands  
threaten to destroy our song  
  
And in the dark  
we plead for light  
yet something mocks our love  
when paid in vain  
we're cursed with rain  
we question is this wrong  
  
but still our hearts  
can beat in time  
and still the waters flow  
to kill this curse  
we would do worse  
and in our hearts we know 


	8. Phone Calls

Phone Calls  
an: Post RL  
  
What's his name called you  
And what's her name called me  
I don't know if you understand  
Just what you mean to me  
  
Yes I went out with her  
But just to clear my head  
How can I compare it to  
What I felt when you were dead  
  
I can not always hold you  
We know that touch can kill  
But that does not mean  
That it always will  
  
I'm waiting for the right girl  
She just happens to be your size  
With dark flowing hair  
And deep chocolate eyes  
  
So what's her name might call me  
And what's his name might try  
But my love for you's forever  
For you I'd gladly die  
  
Though we can not touch  
And though I miss your kiss  
The something that we share  
Will outlast all of this 


	9. Happy Ever After

Happy Ever After  
an: Oh so very post GG  
  
Happy ever after,  
Made for you and me?  
  
Happy tears and laughter,  
Some how I can see.  
  
Though it rains and shadows,  
Though it's dark again,  
  
Happy ever after,  
Is it merely for pretend?  
  
Did the prince not falter?  
Did the princess cry?  
And I'm sure I remember,  
That someone had to die.  
  
Though it rains and shadows,  
Though it's dark again,  
  
Happy ever after,  
Is not only play pretend.  
  
Now we are together.  
So we'll always be.  
  
So it isn't easy.  
Whoever said it'd be?  
  
Though it rains and shadows,  
Though it's dark again,  
  
Happy ever after,  
Is not just for pretend  
  
So when your heart is breaking,  
When you eyes won't dry,  
  
Just remember somehow,  
Someone is standing by.  
  
To hold your hand for all time,  
Wouldn't be a sin.  
One day we will make it,  
And our love will win.  
  
Happy ever after,  
May not come today.  
  
But happy ever after,  
Is surely on it's way. 


	10. Borrowing What Can Not Be

Borrowing what can not Be  
an: SPOILER. yes the evil me has becomed spoiled...well pre-emption madness led to it so there shoot don't know the ep number only the ep name...sorry Borrowed Time   
  
Whispers on the wind  
Lodging in my heart  
Kisses on the wind  
Tearing me apart  
  
To capture this moment  
I'd do anything  
To love you forever  
I don't need a ring  
  
Borrowed time may be the best  
We'll have for here and now  
But borrowed time is better time  
Than what we're losing now 


	11. Love You, Hate You

Love You, Hate You  
an: timeline after Harbor Lights.  
  
I love you  
Bitterly sweetly so  
I love you  
But I guess I'll never know.  
Damn you for your stupid fears  
Damn you for your lies  
How naive I was to think  
You'd give up your damn disguise  
  
I hate you  
Intensely passionatly so  
I hate you  
And damn if I let you know  
Three little words aren't too much to ask  
Three little words that don't slip from your tongue  
How much you cut me you'll never guess  
Hell you make me feel like scum  
  
Cliched to say it hurts like hell  
Cliched and all to untrue  
For hell could not imagine this pain  
This chasm between me and you  
  
You wonder why I don't pick up my phone  
You wonder why I can't stay  
Those three little words that you can't say  
Those three little words stand in the way  
Those three little words are why you're alone  
  
I love you, hate you  
and always will  
I hate you, love you  
Till time stands still  
Why can't you just tell me them too  
Why can't you just say "I love you"  
I'll love you, hate you for all of time.  
I'll love you, hate you though you'll never be mine. 


	12. Trust Me

Trust Me  
an: Post HL  
  
We've been through worse   
I know this is true and so do you  
I tell myself everyday that your smile won't fade away  
We've been through worse  
  
Still reaching for your hand tonight  
Reaching only felt so right.   
And when your eyes, they flashed with fear  
I wondered how we'd gotten here.  
  
In times gone past there was one thing  
One thing that always seemed so true  
That you'd trust me and I'd trust you  
So where tonight did that trust go  
I close my eyes and hope it's not so  
  
For all we've been through, it never strayed  
So why tonight, does our love seem to fade  
When all I need is for you to grab my hand  
Why do you cower in some far off land  
  
My heart broke, it shattered, right then and there  
When you looked for alternatives, then the help that lie there  
I know you were scared, it wasn't for you  
I know you were scared, that you'd lose me too  
  
But why did you hesitate, natural as it may be  
Self preservation for you losing me  
Why couldn't you trust me in the blink of an eye  
Did you really think I'd let myself die  
  
True I would gladly die for your cause  
But don't think for a moment I wouldn't give pause  
I know how it felt when I thought you were gone  
And I'm trying my best to save you from that wrong  
  
I have no plans for leaving you all alone  
I couldn't in my best, know you live with me gone  
Selfish yes, but I wish you the best  
And I only want to hold you close to my chest  
  
So no I couldn't with all the times past  
Live with the knowledge that our love won't last  
And in that instant you couldn't trust me  
I felt as if everything in me couldn't be  
  
Trust me forever, I'll not lead you astray  
Trust me, I promise always to stay  
  
Your hand in mine never felt so right  
Because although you faltered here tonight  
You also proved that one thing was true  
That you'll always trust me and I'll always trust you 


	13. In that moment

IN THAT MOMENT  
  
an: post Borrowed Time  
  
  
In that moment  
Never ending  
  
Twisting  
Heated  
Absolute  
Torturous  
  
Momentous  
Overflowing  
Moment  
Everything stood still  
Nothing moved  
That's where I'm sitting. That's where I'm staying.  
  
  
  
In that moment  
Never want to return  
  
That moment when you were mine  
Half of our whole  
Always together.  
Together forever in that  
  
Moment of time you could always be mine.  
Overlooking the  
Moment that  
Ended our time  
Nothing too perfect  
That is where I want to spend the rest of eternity.  
  
  
  
I know it won't happen.  
Not possible  
  
To extend time  
However much we'd like to  
Abandon the truth  
Try to pretend  
  
Memories formed  
Overwrite so much pain  
Memories fade  
Everything is the same  
Never again. Have this moment in time.  
Too much to ask. 


	14. Where Are We?

Where Are We?  
an: hmm I don't know anywhere after Borrowed Time.  
  
I don't know what to say to you.  
My tongue twists and turns  
I don't know what to say to you  
Where are we?  
  
Once upon a time not all to long ago  
I had words I'd captured  
Once upon a time not all to long ago  
I knew where we stood  
  
Today, I sit. I can't even pick up the phone  
I don't know where you are  
I can't pick up the phone  
Would you answer if I did?  
  
I don't understand.  
How did this happen?  
When did this happen?  
I don't understand.  
  
One day I woke up, you weren't the first thing on my mind  
It bugged me for a long time  
You not being the first thing on my mind  
Are we losing ourselves in this mess?  
  
I don't think about you all the time  
I seldom open my book and write  
I don't think about you all the time  
Does that hurt you like it hurts me?  
  
I don't miss you when you aren't here.  
I still love you  
But I don't miss you when you aren't here  
I think we are lost.  
  
I know that one day we'll find each other  
One day the path we've strayed from will come into view  
I know one day we will find each other  
I'm not worried or concerned.  
  
But I don't like it  
I don't like this place  
I don't know this place  
I don't know where we are  
  
I don't want to wander lost like this  
But we don't communicate, we never have  
I don't want to be lost and wander like this  
Without you I do feel empty  
  
When our fates were written and then tossed together  
I'm sure it looked like a nice story.   
When our fates were written  
I'm sure the author thought it grand  
  
But I don't like it.  
I don't like this place  
I don't like it  
This perpetual angst  
  
Where are we?  
I'd pull over for directions but no one seems to have any  
Where are we?  
Can you tell me?  
  
Where are we? 


	15. With Him

With Him

With him

There really isn't anything more to say

I thought…

I'm not going to think anymore

I can't quite believe it

And yet it's all too real

You're gone and what's worse is

You're with him

Did I screw up somewhere?

Or do you really have that little faith in us

Do you really think that?

No don't think

I hate this

I hate that you don't talk to me

I hate that you avoid me, and I hate that

You're with him

Why are you anyway?

What happened did I miss something?

I thought…

No don't let me think

When I think I see you two together

And honestly it makes me sick

Jealous and sick and I hate that

You're with him

When did this happen

Or has it been going on all along

I don't believe it

I don't believe that this is what you want

I won't believe that you want him

I can't

I can't believe that you want… that…

You are with him

This is some sick joke right

I'll wake up and realize that it's just a particularly cruel dream

I mean this isn't really happening

It's got to be a misunderstanding

You hate him

You always have

We've joked about how you can't stand him, but 

You're with him

Why

Why are you with him?


	16. A Million Pieces

A Million Pieces

Shattered

Shattered in a million pieces on the floor

The fragile thing that was our relationship

The light bounces off the crystal pieces

Sending a rainbow of colors dancing across the kitchen

Across the floor at my feet

Each tiny rainbow a memory

Each memory dancing across the walls of my mind

I want to reach out and catch those rainbows

Hold them in my hand and never let them go

But the light slowly shifts as still I stand here

And the rainbows begin to move then fade.

Fade into nothing, like us

We are nothing.  The rainbows are us and we are the rainbows.

Nothing.

Nothing in a million pieces on the floor

The cold hardwood floor

The light doesn't dare touch us anymore.

Our time for rainbows and somethings is over

The shards of our broken promises cut as I carefully pick them up

My blood bleeds onto the crystal pieces 

Our relationship hurts me more then it hurts you

You walked away and left me to pick it up

Left it to cut me.  And it cuts me and I bleed and you are gone.

I put the pieces in the garbage.  I want to salvage them.

Glue them together and tell you it's ok.  

But the pieces are too small, too broken, too lost.

It wouldn't ever hold anything again

There are too many pieces missing.  The missing pieces are us and we are the missing pieces

Missing

Missing in a million pieces on the floor

Something was, I don't know what was

The light couldn't find us if it tried

And rainbows and pieces and dreams  

There is nowhere left for the broken thing that was us

Nothing left, all gone, empty and lost

Broken and bruised.  And you're with him and you're ok

And I'm alone and you left me to pick up the mess and you don't care

And I want to find your new rainbows and drown them out in sunlight

I want to take them away from you and shatter them on the floor

I want you to pick up the pieces and cut your hands on them

I want you to never find all of them.  I want to take some of them and hide them from you

Mostly I just want you to help me pick up this mess

I want you to help me catch our now vanished rainbows and put them back into the crystal mess

I want you to glue it together and tell me it's fine.  That it will hold us again.

That the liquid puddle around it is still salvageable.

Lie

Lies shattered in the nothing missing on the floor

I don't care anymore if that's all we are.  Are we?

Don't you hurt too?  I think you may have hurt your foot on the way out.

There's a spot that didn't come from me.  Your blood.

Your blood and mine mixing on the floor with the crystal mess.

Come back and catch our rainbows before they all disappear.

Help me glue this together.  It will hold. I know it will hold.

And he is not that important to you. You don't love him like you loved me.

You did love me and I know you loved me and I don't understand why you left me

And why you are with him and I don't know and it hurts and I'm bleeding and you're bleeding

And we are bleeding together.  Lies and nothings and rainbows and crystal pieces

All shattered on the floor in a matrix of colors and lights and sounds and feelings

All running together and bleeding together

Together

Together in a million pieces on the floor


End file.
